CLEANSING CALLS

One of the issues I have had to deal with since moving here to Aberdeen is beggars at my door. There is great poverty here. At times this ongoing interaction with those who have seemingly fallen through the cracks has broken my heart, driven me to distraction, brought out violent visualizations, and caused me to simply enter long states of having a locked gate and closed door policy regardless of who knocks.

The difficulty was in the continual juggling of my stance about this - in sifting of the parasites from those really requiring assistance - in trying not to give money to those who only spend it on drinking - and generally in dealing with continually being disturbed when busy or sleeping. Then there was the problem of when giving to certain people that a whole network of parasites awakens and the banging on the door never stops. And many of these beggars have no point of reference for personal space - because they have none - so 6.30AM on a Sunday morning is the same for them as midday on a Monday. Hunger does not wear a watch.

All through this experience I accepted mentally that every encounter was 'required' - and although I got this mentally - I more than often did not embrace this emotionally. Understanding something mentally doesn't necessitate that authentic application follows. Accordingly I would do what I thought was 'the right thing' - which may entail giving the person my loaf of bread - then 5 minutes later realizing I had no bread for my own breakfast. Or, I would become so annoyed that I would give them a lecture on their complete disregard for others space - and five minutes after their departure feel like an idiot. After all ,I was talking to someone who had an empty stomach, a hangover headache, and who had definitely not slept the night on a soft mattress in a safe place. It is unlikely matters of 'personal space' are very high on their agenda.

Recently I made a conscious shift with regards my interaction with beggars. I asked for guidance about this and I received the insight. It has changed everything for me. What I saw is how I had made this issue all about them. How can I possibly begin to mentally deal with the reality of begging as a whole? Beggars are also so 'wanting' and 'needy' that it is easy to get sucked into their vortex of drama. My insight was that this is actually 'all about me' - not them. Sounds selfish doesn't it? But it is not. It is about me because that is who I am left with once they leave. They get to walk off, but I have to return to my desk or wherever in my home and spend time with the one who just got pissed off at the door!

Now, when they bang on my door, initially I do not place my attention upon them at all - and if I find myself reactively projecting - I pull the awareness right back into my own body and heart - and make sure the encounter is generated from this point of view. Nowadays it has become such a conscious practice that I do not open the door until I am fully in my body, present, and function directly out of the moment that I am in - not the one I was in when I was previously irritated - or the one I assume them to be in. If I feel I cannot show up - then I give myself permission to not open the door at all.

What I realized when I started applying this approach was that the main reason this issue had previously annoyed me so much was because every call made by beggars was a call to me to show up in the moment - with what is happening right now in this world - as opposed to what I was mentally occupied with in my manufactured world. It was a trigger awakening me to an emotional imprint related to my being overwhelmed by life because I was unable to be present enough to fully engage it. It was likely from a time when events around me as a child were so overwhelming that they sucked me into their distrubed vortex and left me a tattered shamble within mine. The actual point of imprinting does not matter - but the feeling triggered is now very obvious to me. By being able to be with this feeling, I am also able to be with unsolicited banging on my door.

I have discovered that since disciplining myself to not open the door until I am centered and grounded in the moment, that my encounter with these individuals is transformed. Even their way of engaging me is transformed. I no longer interact with them in a way intended to get rid of them, or to verbally challenge the reason for their presence on my doorstep. I have also discovered that I no longer over-give or completely dismiss - that my being absolutely present opens a middle pathway of interaction which is sensible, required, personal, and which leaves no trailing residual of emotional discomfort.

So now I no longer have beggars coming to my door - I have cleansing calls begging me to show up. A simple shift in my intent transformed what was infuriating into what is now a potential moment of increased personal possibility. If a bang on the door ends up in me being upset - that is about me - not the caller. I really am responsible for the quality of my experience. This is a relief to realize...again!

TRANSFORMING CREATIVELY

I am discovering in my life experience that the balance between 'what is not working' and 'what is clearly on a roll' is definitely shifting. The former used to far outweigh the latter. At one point I had a life almost solely made out of focusing on 'what is not working'. Then, through emotional inetgration, I realized that what is not working is simply that requiring transformation. Instead of scratching my head and trying to mentally figure out how to make work what is clearly no longer working, I am now becoming aware enough within the situation to instead ask: "What transformation does this circumstance require?" The answer seldom comes immediately - as in mentally. Days sometimes pass, and there I am involved with something else, and the insight effortless pops through. When it does it feels obvious, as if it has always been here. It feels given and received. And, it usually comes from a place of 'and' - as opposed to 'or'. It is not that 'I must now do this or that' - it is more often a case of a bridge being built between 'this AND that'. It’s a different point of view. Then what appeared dead is reborn, inspired, and soon clearly on a roll again. When I take a moment to examine my personal and world experience honestly - I find many more indicators that many inspiring circumstances are now clearly on a roll. Yes, so much still requires transformation. My intent is that all of that gets caught up in this tide of creative change and becomes infectiously swept into waves of expanding possibility.

TRINITY & EARTH

PRIMARY INTENT: Consider that the only obstacle standing between us and the realization that 'here on earth we are already in heaven' is the current nature of our relationship with mind.

VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Trinity. Consider that mind constitutes much more than the conventional perception that it is our thinking and understanding mechanism - or merely the functioning of our physical brain. Consider that the trinity of mind is that it is all that is physical, mental, and emotional. Consider that this human world we have made upon earth is a manifestation of mind projected in 3D - a projected manifestation that we live in, walk through, and mistakenly identify with. Consider also that what we are is not mind, that mind is a tool through which what we are compiles and engages with experience. Consider now the expression - "When we do not mind, it does not matter."

HEART INTENT: Consider that one of the causal points of our not seeing Earth as holy, and our not respecting, loving and cherishing Her accordingly, is the religious indoctrination leading us to believe that heaven is a place we only go to after death. Consider the physical, mental, and emotional pollution caused by this teaching.

BEING WITH WHAT IS...

Due to a power outage I was unable to access the computer for placing yesterday's intent. It was ACTION and WISDOM. Accordingly, as I was unable to do anything on this blog, my intent was - "Having the wisdom to actively be with what is."

CELEBRATION & COMMUNION

PRIMARY INTENT: While many in the world may assume the 2012 portal is a moment in which something terrible happens to us, let us consider the possibility that it is actually a pre-determined moment upon our current timeline - like an upcoming universal live concert - in which we are invited to consciously broadcast what is most glorious about our humanity. Consider this as something that happens through us - not to us.

VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Celebration. When we place our felt-awareness upon 22 December 2012 - how do we envision our experience? Are we hiding in a bunker or are we dancing to the most ecstatic live performance we have ever experienced? Are we contracted and trembling or are we openly vibrating? Are we mourning or are we celebrating?

HEART INTENT: Communion. Consider the possibility of a common heart-experience being triggered within every human that unifies our awareness in such a sacred way that the idea of having borders between countries becomes humorously ridiculous. What would such a communion event feel like within our own heart? Are we open to receiving this? Are we willing to contain such a possibility?

ASCENSION & MASTERY

PRIMARY INTENT: Consider that our ascension isn't anything we have to make happen - that rather it is something we are to participate in through our consciously allowing it to unfold - that it is as natural and organic as a flower blooming - and that our point of mastery is accomplished through our willingness to consciously receive this gift of grace without interference.

VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Ascension. Consider that every moment in our life - and every event in each moment - is deliberately unfolding with intent to bring us as present as possible with our highest potential. Consider that even though this may not always appear to be the case - that we do not have to recognize this to be so to fully participate. Consider that doing our best in each moment to respond to whatever is unfolding is our only required point of participation. Consider that allowing ourselves to feel what is happening to us as deeply as possible - without going into any stories about what we are feeling and why - is all that is required to self-facilitate efficient integration of our shift into our highest potential within any given moment.

HEART INTENT: Mastery. Consider that we are now fast entering the age of personal mastery. Consider that the causality of mastery is determined by our capacity to consciously ride the energetic radiance of the vibrational transmissions now washing through the emotional, mental, and physical expressions of our experience. Consider that when we consciously respond to the felt aspect of our experience - by allowing it to be as it is revealing itself to us - that the mental and physical aspects automatically become aligned with this response.

PATTERNS & GENTLENESS

PRIMARY INTENT: Sometimes all we can do is hold ourselves gently until the hurt dissipates - and sometimes this has to be enough.

VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Patterns. Consider that because of the emotional charge we have attached to certain past events - that when reflections of them occur in our life we recoil - not realizing these to be shadows of unresolved energetic patterns. Consider for example, when someone says something that triggers us deeply, that hurts us to the core, even though we know they did not mean to, it still can be hard for us not to resort to hurtful stories within our imagination - and to suddenly change the way we are relating to them. Even when we know they meant nothing by it - it is hard to not see them through the resonance of our own hurt. Consider that if we had no charge attached to what was said, their words would have moved through our awareness without any sudden explosion of emotional discomfort. Consider that such instances occurring now in our lives are simply energetic patterns surfacing for conscious integration. We feel it personally - yes - but taking it personally only leads us deeper into hurtfulness.

HEART INTENT: Gentleness. Consider that 'conscious integration of something' is the same as 'hugging an aspect of our experience'. Consider that when our experience most requires a hug is when it is hardest to embrace it - because the very encounter requiring conscious integration causes us simultaneously to recoil. Consider that when we are hurting internally, that the balm of gentleness radiated from our own heart toward whatever aspect of our experience is suffering, is causal. Consider that one of the greatest capacities worth developing is metaphorically holding ourselves gently while we are hurting - not to fix anything - not to try and make anything better - but just because it is the most loving response.